Where to go from here?

As I look toward 2011 I realize that my life has changed drastically in a short 365 and odds are that the next 365 days will hold just as many changes. I am scared that things will continue the way they have been. I am afraid I will lose more then I am capable of handling. I pray long and hard for good outcomes and the strength to handle what comes my way. I am looking forward to finding a job that will distract me from the things I want and hopefully lead to a successful and happy future. One of the most surprising things that I've found has been that the most supportive and encouraging people are strangers. I am so grateful to be with my family. My mom is as supportive as ever even though she has more then enough to deal with, my dad, bless his soul, listens to me vent and tells me stories from his dating days and tries to make me feel better anyway he can. My sister is always there to listen to me even if it's to say things I have said countless times before.

In all honesty, I am not feeling much. I am not sure if it is shock or what but i feel nothing. This is very odd considering for the past 4.5 years I have been passionate and had more emotions then I can express in regards to him but now nothing. I'm not angry, I am not sad, I see pictures of him with her and just don't care. I am very very thankful for that. I often would imagine what it would feel like to lose him. I'd always imagined it as 72 years down the road in a tragic horrible way but never in the whole time we were together did I really think I'd lose him like this. My faith in us has been so strong it's as if my brain knows my heart couldn't take the reality of it so all emotions about it is blocked.

I hope things begin to work out and that 2011 is much better then 2010. If horoscopes are right then I can't wait until late June, early July!