I want to move

I don't know how but I AM going to find 2 people to sublease these rooms to. I want to get out of here like yesterday! This sucks! I hate this stupid room. This wouldn't be so damn hard if I didn't have to sit in "our" room and follow the same routine and live in this sucky place. It would be so much nicer to be in a different place without pictures, clothes, and all this crap around. I just want to get the hell out of here.

Tonight is going to be rough

Tonight is going to be rough, I already know it. I have to go into the fire pit. Since Erik left I've tried not talking about him not being here. I just want to get into a routine and make it seem more normal. I am going out tonight with some of our friends.  They will ask how I am and how he is doing and what he is up to. I"ll smile and answer the questions with fake optimism while I will undoubtedly feel like I can't breath and like my heart is trying to swim up my throat an choke me before jumping out of my body completely. There will be the pity smiles, the pity tone of voice, and all the encouraging words. I repeat this sentiment every time I see or hear these things: HE IS NOT DEAD!
   Since when did I become such a weak girl that everyone expects me to break apart because Erik left. I'd like to point out we have been hoping for this since I met him and anticipating it since he graduated. I've seen this coming and I knew from the start I'd soon take on the lifestyle of a pilot's girlfriend. Trust me, I know he is gone, I don't forget about it when there is a smile on my face. I don't need reminders or constant sympathy. I don't need all this crap unless I am in one of 3 situations (1) When I get rejected from vet school, (2) When someone I love dies, is no longer on this Earth and I'll never see them again (3) I get an incurable illness and I hit rock bottom.
    So, for future reference I am happy Erik is gone. I've been trying to get rid of him for a year now! I'm finally free! It is hard but I'd be selfish to say I want him here and I don't. I want him to be exactly where he is and doing exactly what he is doing. I support him unconditionally and I love him through the good/bad/ugly. So stop pointing out the obvious and let's all get on with a new perspective on this relationship. I'm now a Pilot's Girlfriend, it obviously is an adjustment for everyone not just me but I am handling just fine. When it gets hard I talk to Erik about it. Everyone else can stop trying to help, it only makes it worse. Thank you!


6 weeks turns into indefinitely. :-(

Perfect end to the night

Well, the organic chem exam was a very appropriate end to the day. All I want to do is curl up in bed have Cali next to me and fall asleep hoping tomorrow is better. At least I will have more going on to distract me. Today sucked I'm glad it's almost over!

...sigh

I have no motivation to do anything. Talking to people only seems to annoy me more. There is nothing to talk about and no I don't need any kind of intervention. He is at a freaking airline he is not dead. Yes, my life is boring, Yes, I will probably think about not being with him more than he might since he's so busy. Yes, I hate it here, Yes, I want to be done and out of this stupid school. News flash people I'm freaking FINE! I'm not hitting rock bottom, I'm not sitting in a dark room crying, I'm not going to off myself because he is away. I am not a weak person. I am also however not a patient person at the moment. I have an exam at 8 pm tonight in the middle of campus meaning I'll have to park 20 min away and walk in the stupid ice and snow. 
  
I'm not so sure I want to be around people. I'm not turning into a hermit and I'm really not upset but to hear everyone ask how i'm doing, what he's up to, how am i holding up. It only makes it harder and as ready as I am and as not bad as I think this is going to be it gets exponentially harder when people won't let you stop thinking about it. And that tone... the poor you I have to talk like someone's died in order to talk down to you and pity you tone. UGH! That is what has been hard about this so far..all 24 hrs into it. The good bye hurt and it was anything close to pleasant BUT I made it through it with just tearing up and I never thought that the hardest part of dealing with this is not being left alone by annoy people who underestimate me.

Such a blah day in paradise...

Today is such an annoying blah day. Nothing to do until 3:30 when I have to go cook sausage for my meat science class. I should be studying more than I am for my Organic Chem exam tonight. I'm kind of nervous  about it. I just want to pass so I can get out of Purdue. Even Cali won't get out of bed. Strange how hard it is to focus and study. I hate chemistry with every fiber of my being.  I just want to get my exam to be over with so I can come back and clean up the apartment and get it to somewhat resemble a place I'd like to spend all my time...

 I find it very strange how bizarre it feels not having Erik here. I miss him but I always knew I would, we have been talking so I know he's still there but I didn't expect to feel so out of place. I never really noticed how apart of my schedule he was when he is here. This is more strange than I anticipated.

it's only 6:30

I am soooo bored! There is so much stuff I COULD be doing but since passing out for a couple hours I feel disgusting and don't want to move. Cali and I just finished a slacker dinner of Quiche  and might have popcorn later...like you wanted to know but like I previously stated I am very bored! It's almost like the animals have realized that Erik should be home already, Cali is staring at me like I'm holding out on her since she hasn't gotten to play her hand game today, Goober chased me around and sat with me for like 20 min which usually doesn't happen until he wants to sleep. Even our space cadet, Gidget paces between my legs purring and won't leave me alone! It hasn't sunk in yet that it'll be at least 6 weeks until I get to see Erik so it's been relatively easy but we'll see once it dawns on me that he's not gone for a week.


...hun, it just occurred to me that the longest we've spent without a night together has been 2 weeks this winter, haha. Man I've been spoiled! Even though people think it's crazy and maybe we should have done the whole see each other a few times a week dating thing I'm glad we skipped it. :-) I'm glad I got as much time as I have with you! Now it's like when you didn't know I liked you haha lot's of texts and technology!

Day One!!

   Well, I made it through our good-bye without crying, I will admit I teared up but I thought it was going to be a lot worse. Only 14 hours into the 25+ years we will be apart not much has happened to post but I thought I'd put up some pictures from before he left!

Here goes nothing...

I never really got into writing my own blog so you might need to bear with me. I am a 21 year old student at Purdue studying Animal Science with an ultimate goal of being a vet. I don't think that anyone will be at all interested in my daily life but there is one person who is. My boyfriend is a pilot who just got hired at Colgan Air. He left this morning for training and will be away a lot. I have decided to get start a blog to record things that go on here to help make him not feel like he has the best of both worlds; Work at an airline with trips and life here in boring Indiana with me and our zoo!