Changes

It's been a while since the last time I posted anything. Mostly due to the fact that things have gotten so crazy. Things definitely haven't slowed down but I thought it might be a good idea to start writing things down. This summer seemed to end with things appearing to be on the brink of falling apart. I didn't feel in control of anything and it made me crazy.

The first significant lesson I learned this semester was to trust what people tell me. I always trusted people and never thought they would hurt me or betray me but I realized that while I trusted them I didn't allow myself to be vulnerable and believe that when they told me they wouldn't hurt me they really wouldn't. I learned that because of this I was pushing people away and keeping them at a distance.

Next I learned that in a moment things can go from mundane to terrifying and chaotic. In a period of 24 hrs I learned of 3 people I love being admitted to the hospital for very serious things. Each situation scared me greatly and made me appreciate the easy mundane trivial days that seem so boring. It made me realize how the little issues that seem so big are really trivial and insignificant.

The last lesson I am still learning. Through close family members and complete strangers  I have seen proof that tomorrow is not guaranteed. In any moment tomorrow can be taken away from you. I didn't expect this to hit me as hard as it has. My grandfather passed away two nights ago. He has been sick for years and gotten progressively worse over the past 6 months but even when he was admitted to the hospital I was confident he would recover. Then over the course of a month he declined rapidly. I expected to be upset and I don't mean to sound cold but it all hit me very hard. I am thankful that he is no longer in pain. About a week ago I read a blog by the strongest woman I've ever heard of. I've never met her and probably will never have the chance to but she has taught me a valuable lesson. Seize the day, love with all your heart and live every moment like your last. I spent a long night getting choked up, all teary eyed and flat out crying and I suddenly all the things that annoyed me or felt like major issues didn't matter. Sounds dramatic right? well, on that night I apologized to a very important person for taking him for granted. And from that day on I've felt truly blessed to have him in my life.

I hope to approach every day like it's my last. I want to love like I will never get hurt and never give up because I'm afraid of failing. If I fail, if I get hurt, if tomorrow never comes I can look back on my life and say that I did my best and wouldn't change a thing.