Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationship suck! They aren't impossible like everyone told me before I got into one but they are not fun. The good side of it is that I know he's perfect for me because anyone worth going through a long distance relationship is worth keeping around. I always knew we could make it through it. The bad side effect besides missing him, sleeping alone, and all the things I usually had when he was here is the aggression toward this stupid state. I thought I hated Indiana before, but ohhhh no! I am so anxious to get out of school and this asinine state that it is literally driving me crazy. Like I said in a previous post the stress is making me very very tense. When I add all the stupid people, stupid classes, the advisors, the drivers and the STUPID ROOMMATES I'm about ready to scream! All I want is to graduate and get out of here. One class and lots of flexibility will be required but lets face it, odds are Purdue will not be flexible. I mean, seriously...why would doing research in the field of welfare and behavior be applicable to welfare and behavior credit. I mean how could I be so ignorant to ask for them to make that connection. No, it makes so much more sense to sit it their "welfare and behavior" classes like the philosophy class I'm in now where we have yet to mention animal welfare with the exception of the PETA video the quack of a professor decided to show.

Subconscious Stress, How I hate you!

Ok, I am willing to admit I do not handle stress well. It all started when I was little and would literally break down like the end of the world was near when I would get hungry. I mean it was bad! I would love to say I have gotten over it but let's face it I still get cranky when I get hungry. When I was 3 and before high school my hair started falling out for no other reason the doctors could think of but stress. Then I went to 8th grade and had the first teacher who made me lay awake a night with stomach pains and crazy nerves, worried that I had forgotten something or would be embarrassed if I didn't know an answer. High school wasn't bad but the nerves continued...then I went to college. Every year I've been in college it has gotten progressively worse. Now it is considered "normal" when finals approach for me to have virtually no appetite, get nauseous all the time, knots in every muscle in my body and I just get generally very worried and grouchy,  and would frankly prefer to sleep all day and avoid everything else. This has all been manageable, I mean it sucks but I have come to understand it. Now I have one new little annoyance that I just don't understand. February 15th Erik went to training as I have said many times. He left, I missed him but we both agreed it was easier than we thought it would be. Then I got itchy. I itched to the point where my skin was getting raw...gross right? So over spring break I went to the doctors and he prescribed an ointment and it cleared up like that right as Erik came back! Perfect timing right? Well, he left Saturday for his second part of training. I drove up to my parents house and by Saturday night I couldn't help but notice that I was itchy again. Now I'm back on the medication because my body is freaking out! WTF!!!! I'm so annoyed with EVERYTHING right now! I mean what the hell is wrong with me!?

What a Perfect Day!

Everyone has told me life as the SO to a pilot would be hard. Is it really worth it to go at least half the time alone without him and have just a few days before you have to let him go again? Can I handle living alone a lot, dealing with the issues that come up, one day being home with the kids alone while he's away? I can't answer these questions for everyone, everyone I've talked to has different answers. All I know is after 5 weeks away from Erik I have my answer. I'm sitting in my dark room with Cali on one side and Erik sleeping beside me on the other with Goober perched over his back staring at me, and I couldn't be happier. I know it will be worth it. We made it through our first 5 weeks apart and both of us agree it was hard but went by relatively quick and was better than we expected. Sure there are going to be bad days but he is worth it. I can't wait to graduate and move out with him and spend my life with him. We can do this. I know we'll be a great pilot and pilot's girl! 

He's coming back!!!

I am so happy! In just about 16 hours I will be picking my amazing pilot up from the airport. Almost 5 weeks of being apart is just too much! I can't wait! So much to do to get ready. I'm so excited I can't stand it!

I'm the happiest girl in the world!!

Erik will be arriving 11:58 pm on Friday! I could not be happier at all. I am the happiest girl in the whole world!! I will finally be back in his arms where I belong. Meeting Kate Gosselin and seeing my amazing pilot! This is the best spring break ever!! So many things I have to do before he gets here. Have to look all cute and not like a bum!! I can't wait!

A very sad day.

Today I found out that Erik will have a few days to a week off after next week...Yay! Unfortunately because his permanent address is in California that is where he will be sent. My instant reaction was to cry and debate pulling over because of tears and the inability to breath but after a while all I could do was sigh and realize that this is what all the women I've been talking to meant when they said be flexible. My new motto is "we'll see. be flexible" I am determined to be the best SO of a pilot ever. He doesn't need me to make this any harder for him than it is. I know it isn't in his control so all I can do it sigh, take a deep breath and swallow the lump in my throat and support him. I've never been more jealous of people being able to be with him than I am right now. I am strong and I can handle this. Prior to February 15th, the longest amount of time we'd been apart was 2 weeks, now we will see what it is like to go 2 months...welcome to life with a pilot. O:-)

Organic Chemistry

Ugh! Tomorrow I have an Organic Chemistry exam. This class is going to be the death of me. If I pass it it will be a miracle and I need a miracle! I want to get out in December and to do that I need to pass every class and have Purdue be flexible enough to take classes over the summer? ok ok ok now stop laughing, I agree the odds of having Purdue be flexible aren't good but let's hope. I don't want to be here until May! I mean seriously?! A whole year on my own in West Lafayette...ummm how about no!

Stronger than I could ever imagine...

I've learned a lot about myself in the past month. On Monday it will be exactly a month since Erik left, we haven't spoken on the phone once but I feel like we are stronger and handling the situation better than most and MUCH better than we ever anticipated. We are able to rely on each other and support each other and be able to get what we need to done. We've never been the typical couple and seem to do every backwards but it fits us. Before he left I was really worried about how it would effect us. I had fears of us growing apart, about all the things that could come up and I was afraid that it might be too rough for us. Luckily for me I had my break down when he was here and he reassured me that we were different and could do this. He was right. He's the one for me and even though some days are rough I have no doubts. Distance has made the heart grow fonder and the relationship stronger. I am proud that through what was supposed to be the hardest part of his career for the year, maybe year and a half we'll be living apart it has made us stronger and we'll always find a way to make it work. Now I just need to bust my butt to graduate so I can meet him and start the roller coaster that will be our life.

Stress and anxiety

 I forgot just how effective stress and anxiety can be. Put it next to aggression and it is a kick ass diet plan. Suddenly you realize that you haven't eaten in a day and half and you aren't even hungry instead all you feel is very nauseous. Good thing I can probably rely on my life being stress and well anxiety is sure to follow.

I already don't want to let go.

"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?" -Marley and Me

You never really appreciate something until it's gone. I've learned that most recently when Erik left for job training. I've spent many nights feeling alone and overwhelmed with all the changes but it wasn't until today when I came home  and watched the end of Marley and Me with Cali by my side that I took time to realize and appreciate how not alone I am. Sure the cats have become cuddly and shown me their affection but they don't compare to Cali, my 6 lb. Chihuahua pug mix who has more personality than any dog I've known. 


She sat beside me and as I started crying as I usually do when they put Marley down Cali gazed up at me then when the sniffles turned to tears she pushed her way onto my lap staying ever strong to show her support. She is only 3 but has already been with me through some of the more difficult times of my life. She was there when I moved into my first apartment. Watched me pine/stalk Erik, always dancing with excitement when I was excited and showing quiet concern when I was sad. She ran around and danced with me when I sent Erik the inevitable text and she showed her hesitation to accept him and extreme jealousy when I didn't hesitate. She has been there through the exams and all the stressful night. And I can't help but think that she will hopefully be around to meet my first child...in many many years. 


It wasn't until Erik left however, that Cali came to be the best dog on Earth. Instead of running to find a hiding place when I'd cry scared that she was doing something wrong she now stays glued to my side watching me knowing that her company means the world to me. Even Erik the man who loves German Shepherds and only a big dog kind of person has come to appreciate how great Cali is. I only pray to God that we still have many years together. She''s been with me in such a pivotal part of my life I can't imagine what it will be like when we have to say good-bye. I love my puppy!