Tonight is going to be rough

Tonight is going to be rough, I already know it. I have to go into the fire pit. Since Erik left I've tried not talking about him not being here. I just want to get into a routine and make it seem more normal. I am going out tonight with some of our friends.  They will ask how I am and how he is doing and what he is up to. I"ll smile and answer the questions with fake optimism while I will undoubtedly feel like I can't breath and like my heart is trying to swim up my throat an choke me before jumping out of my body completely. There will be the pity smiles, the pity tone of voice, and all the encouraging words. I repeat this sentiment every time I see or hear these things: HE IS NOT DEAD!
   Since when did I become such a weak girl that everyone expects me to break apart because Erik left. I'd like to point out we have been hoping for this since I met him and anticipating it since he graduated. I've seen this coming and I knew from the start I'd soon take on the lifestyle of a pilot's girlfriend. Trust me, I know he is gone, I don't forget about it when there is a smile on my face. I don't need reminders or constant sympathy. I don't need all this crap unless I am in one of 3 situations (1) When I get rejected from vet school, (2) When someone I love dies, is no longer on this Earth and I'll never see them again (3) I get an incurable illness and I hit rock bottom.
    So, for future reference I am happy Erik is gone. I've been trying to get rid of him for a year now! I'm finally free! It is hard but I'd be selfish to say I want him here and I don't. I want him to be exactly where he is and doing exactly what he is doing. I support him unconditionally and I love him through the good/bad/ugly. So stop pointing out the obvious and let's all get on with a new perspective on this relationship. I'm now a Pilot's Girlfriend, it obviously is an adjustment for everyone not just me but I am handling just fine. When it gets hard I talk to Erik about it. Everyone else can stop trying to help, it only makes it worse. Thank you!


6 weeks turns into indefinitely. :-(