Stress...seriously, just stress!

Well, everyone was right I have nothing more than stress... I googled "physical symptoms of stress" and my findings were quite interesting. Common symptoms of stress are pain of any kind: CHECK! Heart disease: no. Digestive problems: no but I feel sick to my stomach a lot, does that count? Sleep Problems: check...times like a million. Depression: No I'm still generally happy. Autoimmune disease: no though I have been tested like a zillion times and last on the list skin conditions like eczema: OMG! Are you serious!? That's right I am breaking out all from stress. This is rediculous! I don't even feel any more stressed than normal but somehow my body has picked up "OMG must destroy myself before it gets worse" messages and is totally sabotaging itself.

After that I kept reading... and discovered why I am so stressed. It's the fact that in the past few years I have realized that my dream of becoming a vet. The only career I've ever wanted and other than being with Erik the only dream I have dedicated myself to completely. No one wants it more than I do but the sudden realization that it won't happen is literally breaking me down. These are common internal causes of stress: the inability to accept uncertainty, Pessimism, negative self-talk, unrealistic expectations, perfectionism, and a lack of assertiveness. In other words the journey into and out of veterinary medicine has left me subconsciously unable to handle stress in healthy ways.


In an effort to educate myself and try to find new ways to help I kept reading. "How do you respond to stress?" My first reaction was "Not well, duh why else would I be here?" They then listed 3 choices: Foot on the gas, foot on the brake or foot on both. I go for the foot on the gas approach which says: "An angry or agitated stress response. You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still." Any one who knows me is now nodding thier heads, laughing or especially in Erik's case giving me his "you're damn right that's you. You can be pshyco" look.

Cognitive Symptoms	Emotional Symptoms
Memory problems Inability to concentrate Poor judgment Seeing only the negative Anxious or racing thoughts Constant worrying	Moodiness Irritability or short temper Agitation, inability to relax Feeling overwhelmed Sense of loneliness and isolation Depression or general unhappiness
Physical Symptoms	Behavioral Symptoms
Aches and pains Diarrhea or constipation Nausea, dizziness Chest pain, rapid heartbeat Frequent colds	Eating more or less Sleeping too much or too little Isolating yourself from others Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)

...Once again. For the most part fits me to a T. I always knew I handled stress badly but to see it in black and white is just shocking. I never knew pretty much ALL of the things that make me think I'm sick are just from  stress.

Now when it comes to the solutions they say the same asinine thing that everyone else tells me. "Learn to de-stress, learn how to relax. find coping methods" Well thanks, I hadn't thought of that before. I know working out helps and I need to so I plan to start that more often, I can't take yoga seriously and meditation just isn't for me. So, now I have to figure out how to deal with it before I have a very unhealthy and itchy life ahead of me.