Nothing

So, after being told to maintain my confidence and faith in a future I did just that. Since then it has been awkward  . Today I decided to get a tattoo I have been wanting to get. I was very nervous when I was getting ready and as I sat in the chair trying to distract myself and was looking at a painting the tattoo artist had drawn, it was a picture of a woman's head side profile with a literal heart in her throat with her mouth stitched shut. It sounds gruesome but was really beautiful. It was the perfect image of how I felt when I met Erik. Anyway, I was thinking and just got angry. I am back in my rebellious F*** him phase. I got done and LOVE the tattoo. After I left I saw Erik had posted an asinine status about missing "his sasha" I at first got very very angry. Then as if I used all the anger in me it is gone. I'm back to feeling numb....not sad, not rejected, not angry, not hopeful, not pining. Nothing. No emotion at all. After the weeks of praying I'd feel SOMETHING. I am so so grateful to be feeling nothing. I do not understand any of this. Nothing makes sense in my life anymore. I honestly just want to understand what is supposed to come from this and why it all happened the way it did. None of it makes sense to me.